I recently had a friend ask me to describe 2018 in one word. Without even thinking, I replied – “Patience.”
This year has taught me that I don’t have as much control over things as I like to pretend that I do. I am a control freak. It helps my anxiety if I feel like I have the power. To be honest, this year I had no control. I started the year thinking one thing, and it ended with me thinking completely different.
I have learned to be patient with the Lord’s timing and to trust in Him in ALL things. I have also grown to be patient with myself, and allow myself to grow, make mistakes and try new things. I did things that scared me this year. I let things go that I have been holding onto tightly. I have realized that I don’t need to live in the safety of black and white, that I can embrace all the colors of my life, even when it’s messy, and find beauty in it.
I know on paper, my year looks impressive! And it was! I traveled to Florida, New York, Phoenix, San Diego, Idaho, and Vegas. I spent quality time with friends and family. We bought our dream home!! We had a lot of ups. But I also struggled a lot with my health this year.
I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease and Osteopenia. Which neither one are huge deals, but it’s been a massive adjustment for me. I have gained 37 pounds since May (now that my body can absorb what I’m eating) and seeing my body change so drastically has been hard. My bones and muscles are so weak from being starved of nutrients that I feel like I’m eighty years old.
We have dealt with family struggles as well, which aren’t solely mine to share. But you can imagine the heartache and struggles with raising teenagers, ……..and a husband. Ha!
And then I have shared our most recent hardships with my oldest, Blaise, and his journey with breaking his back and having to defer his mission. The past four months have been an emotional roller coaster for him and us, and there is nothing worse than watching your child suffer from a trial and not be able to fix it all up for them.
So this year has been a beautiful lesson in life for this little family of mine. We have grown closer to each other, and we have a fierce loyalty to each other. We realize that NOTHING is impossible when the five of us put our heads together and get to work. And I have seen the testimonies of my children grow along with their confidence.
I can honestly say that this year I have worked on myself more than in any other year. I had an identity crisis back in March, and I have been working on discovering who I am since. I still have some work to do, but I like who I am. As my kids get older and need me less, I had to dig deep and decide what’s next? Sometimes that’s scary. But this year I did a lot of scary things, and I did ok, so watch out 2019, I’m coming for you!!!